R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Hi!

Aretha Franklin threatened to walk out if she didn't get it, but what was it that she wanted it? How does one KNOW another respect him (or her)? In martial arts we often define respect as a way one behaves. A student is being respectful if he says "Yes, sir!" or "No, sir!" when asked a simple question. A school is showing respect when they call everyone to attention when a black belt enters. A child is being respectful if they do what they're told without question. Are they? Perhaps, but it's not a guarantee.

I think of respect as feeling, not a behavior. If someone doesn't have respect for you, you know. No amount of "Yes, sir!" and "No, sir!" is going to change your mind. So why would you think someone doesn't respect you just because they don't? When I teach class in Intel's OC2 gym, I don't often hear a loud "Yes, sir!" when I ask the class do something. Neither does Master Nelson. However, I wouldn't, even for a second, think that the students there don't respect us. We know, because we can feel it.

This is not to say you can show people disrespect and deny what it means. Being deliberately rude and inconsiderate is disrespectful. However, it's not a fine line. Behavior between two people that might be disrespectful might be no big deal between two others, or under different circumstances. It's all about the relationship and the situation. It's hard to define, but you'll know it when you see it.

Talking down to people from a position of power doesn't make them respect you, quite the opposite. Genuine respect is earned, not demanded. An organization, whether it's a martial arts school, a business, or a family, cannot institutionalize respect. Do my students respect me? The ones who've gotten to know me sure do. Do my kids and co-workers? Absolutely. Not because it's required of them, but because I've earned it by treating them well. Aretha treated her man well and felt she'd earned a little respect when he came home... Try treating people well and see what you earn...

Thanks,
Matt